In my experience, as a coach, personal trainer, and a client/customer in a gym, I noticed something particular about really strong people. They are always helpful, thoughtful, they shared the equipment, and are considerate of their space. And most of all they never ridiculed or put anyone else down. They were always very encouraging towards anyone who wasn’t as savvy around the gym floor as they were.
Strong people didn’t care what you wore or what you looked like. I believe it’s partly because they are so focused on their own tasks. And also partly because they recognize what struggle and hard work look and feel like. So when they see others having trouble with something they recognized that they were on a path to improve themselves. They didn’t feel threatened by someone else’s effort, or journey towards self-improvement. They were supportive at most, and non-judgemental at the least.
Strength and Self-Esteem
Anyone who has tried to learn a skill or play sport knows how valuable consistent, good practice is. If you want to get better at something then it makes sense to practice the basics on a regular basis. And you build more confidence as you slowly get better through practice and find your skill improving.
I remember how I felt and looked like when I first started doing martial arts. I wouldn’t laugh at myself or put myself down for trying, no matter how much I sucked, because we all have to start somewhere. I feel the same way about when I first started lifting and working out consistently. My form needed work, my technique was lacking, poor body awareness etc.
And is why it doesn’t make sense to me to laugh or put anyone down when they are first trying. Essentially, I would be laughing at myself when I was a beginner. We also know that encouragement works a lot better than condescension in helping someone improve their skills. For example, I regularly employ a “this is what you’re doing right. Let’s focus on that” approach with my clients. I find it goes a lot further than “Here’s what you’re doing wrong, stop doing this!”.
Strength And Insecurity
I find that there is an interesting relationship between how physically strong someone is and their level of insecurity. This isn’t to say that strong people don’t have insecurities. But more like, strong people are less likely to project their own insecurities on others.
Maybe it has to do with the fact that physical strength (as well as mental strength) is honed against resistance, literally. That we realize the time and effort it takes to climb the ladder or strength. The constant practice, routine, following programs, getting enough rest and proper nutrition.
In a sense, we have to objectify ourselves, turn ourselves into objects/subjects, that we, as subjects, look after. I have to acknowledge my discrepancies, and assess my weaknesses, to figure out my needs. And once I figure out my needs I can then figure out how to best meet them.
This means that I will inevitably have to face some of my own insecurities. Maybe it’s about how I look, or how I perform, or how well I can follow instructions. Some people hate doing something they aren’t very good at. As a result they show a lot of resistance and avoidance type behaviour when confronted with certain challenges.
But getting through those hurdles is essential to managing insecurities. We become better at positive self-talk. The insecurities may not go away but as we become stronger we also are able to handle them better.
Strength And Bullying
Bullies rarely, if ever, go after strong people. They usually go after people who are still trying to figure out and manage their insecurities. Or they pick on people they perceive to be weak. And we know why. It’s because bullies are so riddled with insecurities. And the only way bullies escape the responsibility of dealing their insecurities, is to project their frustrating at someone else. Being mean to someone else is what bullies want to do to themselves. But in their case it’s easier to harm someone else.
Whether it’s through words or worse physical harm, bullies pick a target and home in on them. Not only are they relentless with their harmful behaviour, they also refuse any logic or critical thought that might force them to face their own insecurities.
Men CONSTANTLY do this to women in the gym. As soon as weak, insecure men see a woman working out, he immediately goes after her. They go after her looks, what she’s wearing, what she’s lifting, how she’s lifting etc. They hurl insults, give unsolicited and all too often unhelpful advice, in a futile and pathetic effort to make themselves feel better.
And no place is this more evident then on social media. Don’t believe me? Take a look at the instagram account @you.look.like.a.man . Not surprisingly, that account is FILLED with tweets, comments, stories of pathetic, insecure men, bullying women (even going after young girls). It is disgusting to say the least, but you’ll get the point.
Closing Thoughts
Lift others and you’ll lift yourself. Simple as that, yet sometimes easier said than done.
One of my favourite things about the powerlifting community was how everyone cheered everyone else during their lifts. Everyone was sure of their strength. Everyone acknowledged their insecurities. What nobody did, at least in my experience, was project their own insecurities on others.
And I want to be clear here that what I’m saying is that IT IS FINE TO BE INSECURE and to HAVE INSECURITIES. What is not fine is when people project those insecurities on others, in order to feel better about themselves.
And when we help each other to deal with the challenges, we are also encouraging each other to face up to our insecurities. It is in no way harmful to me to see someone else working on improving themselves (long as it’s not at my or anyone else’s expense).
Women asking to be left alone at the gym? Great! Leave them alone! you don’t have any business bothering them in the first place. Especially if you’re not a fitness specialist. Someone asking you to refer to them with different name or pronouns? Fantastic! They have their own journey for self-improvement/actualization! Don’t be a jackass and stand in the way just so you can start crying when they ask you to move.
Strong people lift others up, we don’t put them down. And when people start putting others down to make themselves feel better they’re telling you what you need to know about their characters. They are the characters of scared, insecure little children, who do not have the socio-emotional tools for self growth.